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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23636683">Mad</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/emsylcatac/pseuds/emsylcatac'>emsylcatac</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Miraculous Ladybug</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, no reveal</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 19:53:58</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,190</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23636683</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/emsylcatac/pseuds/emsylcatac</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>After a particularly rough and destructive akuma, Adrien breaks down once he arrives at home. And ends up sharing a bunch of thoughts about Hawkmoth and his actions to his father.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir &amp; Gabriel Agreste | Papillon | Hawk Moth</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>236</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Mad</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I was wondering what would happen if Adrien &amp; Gabriel were to ever discuss Hawkmoth's actions and...this idea popped in my head.</p><p>Hope you'll enjoy ♥</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Adrien let his head rest on the window, fighting back tears that were threatening to escape him the more and more he thought. The car was driving slowly and he stared out without really paying attention as rows of houses, apartment blocks, shops and trees went by.</p><p>Today’s akuma had been tough. Well, <em>all</em> akumas lately had been tough, and more violent than usual. <br/>But today’s had been the last straw; even Hawkmoth and Mayura had been there. And Hawkmoth had been insane; the look in his eyes when Adrien’s had met them had been—it had been desperate, raw and...<em>insane</em>. There wasn’t a better term to describe it in his mind.</p><p>Adrien closed his eyes tightly while some images of the fight replayed in his head. The buildings...<em>so many</em> buildings had collapsed and...and the school—<em>oh god</em>, the <em>school</em> and his classmates and friends <em>inside</em> and—</p><p>He bit his fist so the Gorilla and Nathalie, who were sitting at the front of the car, wouldn’t hear him. It was only by sheer luck that a surprised photoshoot had <em>technically</em> kept him away from the damages of the fight. He was just hoping that they would arrive home the soonest possible so he could just run to his room and let all of his emotions <em>out</em>. Because just thinking of <em>Nino</em> and Alya and Marinette and—and <em>everyone</em>...</p><p>At the end of the fight, he and Ladybug hadn’t even done their usual fist bump—they hadn’t felt like it. They had just gazed at each other tiredly and Adrien had seen his own anguish reflected in her eyes. She had collapsed into his arms after a few seconds and had let herself cry, holding him tightly, because it had been <em>too much</em>. He had tried to hold on for her sake, because she was the guardian now and she had <em>so much</em> on her shoulders. <em>He</em> was her support—so he hadn’t allowed himself to cry. He was sure that despite his best efforts, she had still seen through his mask; he hadn’t even been able to say reassuring words to her, after all. But he <em>hadn’t cried</em>. He guessed that it was only the sight of her crumbling down that had helped him to keep it together a little longer. And he also knew that the next time they would meet, <em>she</em> would ask him to let it all go—that it would be his turn.</p><p>Adrien startled when he realised that the car had stopped moving. He was home, then; <em>good</em>.</p><p>He climbed up the stairs leading to the mansion, Nathalie ahead, the Gorilla behind, and stepped into the entrance hall. He raised his head to see that his father was, for once, waiting on the top of the stairs. And for once, he had hoped he wasn’t.</p><p>“Ah, Adrien. I’m glad to see you safe and sound.”</p><p>Adrien tensed at hearing this and had to fight really hard to not lose it in front of his father; he probably wouldn’t want to see him cry. And he didn’t want to give him a reason to worry about him or he might try to keep him locked up more than he already did.</p><p>He felt a hand coming to rest on his shoulder and turned his head towards its owner; the Gorilla was watching him and giving him a look that could be read as “are you okay?”. And while he was thankful for his bodyguard to probably be the only person in the room to have noticed his mood, his concern is what finally broke him.</p><p>He started to sob quietly, breathing heavily as he tried to contain the tears that he shouldn’t be trying to stop. His father must have heard and noticed because he felt his presence in front of him now and his voice close as he asked:</p><p>“Adrien? What’s wrong?”</p><p>Adrien was surprised that he managed to speak coherently. Or that he managed to just voice his thoughts out loud to his father. “He...he’s <em>insane</em>. He is...he is completely <em>mad</em>,” he spat the last word.</p><p>“Who? Talk to me, Adrien, who hurt you?”, his father asked.</p><p>“Hawkmoth.”</p><p>There was a beat of silence and Adrien supposed that his father must have dismissed Nathalie and the Gorilla with a glance because he saw them retreating out of the corner of his eyes.</p><p>“Everything went back to normal, Adrien,” he tried to soothe.</p><p>“But—but it <em>wasn’t</em> and he’s hurting my friends a-and—”</p><p>“He wouldn’t hurt <em>you</em>, Adrien.”</p><p>Adrien cried harder, a weird and bitter laugh bubbling out of his chest. “But he already <em>has</em>, Father, he already has! He-he doesn’t <em>care</em> and my friends have been <em>hurt</em> and <em>all the people</em> and <em>the school</em> a-and—”</p><p>“Adrien...you’re not hurt. You’re <em>not hurt</em>. I wouldn’t—I…you’re okay now. <em>All</em> of you. You’re all okay,” he cut.</p><p>“<em>But we weren’t</em>. We were <em>not</em> and he’s <em>completely mad</em> and <em>why would he do that?</em>”, Adrien lifted his head so he was intently gazing into his father’s eyes. “Why would...would <em>anyone</em> do that?”</p><p>His father kept silent, looking right back at him. Searching. Adrien guessed that he, too, didn’t have an explanation to offer.</p><p>“Maybe he has a good reason,” he finally said.</p><p>“No reason is good enough to justify hurting people like this. Not <em>this</em> violently,” Adrien said bitterly.</p><p>“You don’t know that, son.”</p><p>“I <em>do</em> know that. I...<em>You</em> and<em> I</em> know that, probably more than most people. We lost mother, didn’t we?”, Adrien retorted. “We loved her. <em>I</em> loved her. And I miss her. But if...If there was a way to bring her back...if I had the power to...to just <em>do it</em> at the cost of other people’s life and happiness...well, I <em>wouldn’t do it</em>,” and Adrien knew it was the truth. His father couldn’t know, but he had everything in his power to bring his mother back if he wanted. But he knew better than that.</p><p>His father continued to stare at him silently. There was a <em>something</em> in his eyes that Adrien had troubles to decipher.</p><p>“And <em>you</em> wouldn’t do it, either,” he went on. “So no matter what...no matter how <em>good </em>he thinks his reason is, <em>whatever</em> it is...he's just mad.”</p><p>Understanding that his father wouldn’t reply, Adrien took his bag and started to walk towards the stairs.</p><p>“He is <em>insane</em> and maybe he doesn’t know it—but he is completely mad.”</p><p>And with that he climbed up to his room. He could feel his father’s gaze following him without a word.</p><p>* * *</p><p>Gabriel watched as Adrien closed his door.</p><p>“You’re wrong,” he whispered to himself. “You’re <em>wrong</em>, aren’t you? I’m not—I’m not mad or insane.”</p><p>He turned around and walked towards his office, clutching his head with one hand.</p><p>“I’m <em>not</em> mad and he’s <em>wrong</em> and—he just...he just doesn’t understand, that’s it.”</p><p>Once he had stepped in and closed the door, he let his back rest against it.</p><p>“Yes, <em>that’s it</em>,” he chuckled. “He doesn’t know—he doesn’t <em>understand</em>. I am not <em>mad</em>. <em>I’m not mad</em>.”</p>
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